I listened for about an hour today to a loved one talking about love woes. This is not my first, second, or last conversation with this person about it. In a way, I hate talking about his problems with women, because I just want to wave a magic wand and fix it for him. On the other hand, I love listening because it means he trusts me enough to share these deeply personal things.
And, as always with this person, I’m stumped for advice.
Yes, love seems to happen when you least expect it. When you’re not looking for it anymore, there it is, fresh in your face like the first crocus in spring. But how do you stop looking for it when you’re deeply lonely, and want it to happen so bad?
I do believe that love, needing love and giving love is a need, not a want. We all crave affection, and dare I say it? To feel cherished by someone, just by being the person we are, as we are.
And most of us have experienced, I believe, being in a relationship where you are lonelier than you would be single. I swear, loneliness is one of those things that we’ve all felt, but no one is really supposed to talk about. And being lonely inside of a relationship is a double whammy that it seems like no one else will understand. You have someone! How could you be lonely?
I’m lucky and blessed right now to be in a relationship where I’m very happy and not lonely, but I have, in the past been in the other kind, for years and years even. I know how it feels, and how much it hurts to need so badly to share with someone, to be truly affectionate and joyful with someone else, but to be truly lonely despite all of your best intentions.
The loneliness of my loved ones, friends included, breaks my heart. Unfortunately, friends cannot fill this void except by listening and understanding and being compassionate when someone shares something so huge and vital to them. Loneliness is real, and it hurts. And even though it’s not really talked about, it’s important to acknowledge and try to treat, because with billions of people in the world, surely there is someone for everyone to help those feelings of intense loneliness, pain and longing.
To all my lonely loved ones, those I’ve met and have yet to meet, I really understand your sorrow. Keep your chin up, and try to look at the bright side. The upside of loneliness is an opportunity to make the changes in your life that you need to make in order to live the kind of life that you really want to.
All best,
Rose
