I secretly worship my dad and always have. My adopted dad to me, is one of the best people in the world, and I realize that I’ve molded much of myself on him. Hobby-wise, we’re completely different, but are we? He builds things, I create things. He loves science fiction, and games – I love fantasy/sci-fi and games. He cares about his looks, but isn’t vain. He’s nice to everyone, and has a big heart. Little things move him to tears, when big things he weathers. He is a loving mate, and will do anything for his wife, just like I am a loving mate and will do anything for my boyfriend.
If you want to know how to get practical things done, ask my dad. If you want to know how to get emotional things done, ask me. My sternness comes from my dad, and while I’m not belligerent about it, I don’t accept excuses from myself or from others – just like my dad. And, like me, my dad always has a plan, and his plans always work.
Even today, I still rebel against my dad, but I see now that it’s only because I love him so much. And I think I learned about rebellion from my dad too – both of us have a rebellious side to us. But you know what? My dad is super cool, and I am too. People like to be around us. We take what we’re given, and don’t try to get more from people, even if we want to, or even if we think we need it – we’re both very self-reliant. I know that I can’t call my dad with excuses for why I’m screwing up my life. If I had a drug or alcohol problem, which I don’t (most likely because of my dad), I wouldn’t call him to talk with him about it. Not because I don’t trust him, but for the opposite reason – that I love him so much that I don’t want him to ever think anything bad about me. I would solve the problem, on my own, because that’s what Dad would do.
People often tell me how intelligent they think I am, and I tell them, “No – I’m not smart – if you want to meet smart, you need to meet my dad!” My dad has a cute smile, and is really good at teasing. And, as much as I love him, he’s not perfect any more than I am. My dad pushes people away, and I do the same thing. Stubborn? Yeah, we’re both stubborn, and neither of us think we are. My dad has no patience for clinginess or too much emotion, and I don’t either. So why is it that every time I talk to him, and pretty much only him, I feel so much love in my heart that I get so emotional? I don’t know, maybe just that he means so much to me.
I carry a huge sense of failure around myself, and I think I got that from my dad too, although it doesn’t look to me like he’s ever failed at anything in his life. I think we’re both perfectionists, in a strangely easy-going way, and have a need to make our lives ‘just right.’ Neither of us bullshit, ourselves or others, and honesty is something that’s important to both of us.
My dad used to send me valentine’s every year, and my heart would just get so full every time I got them. That sweetness is something that is uniquely my dad, and some would say is uniquely me too.
The truth is, that I still absolutely love and adore my dad. I may disappoint him at times, and I know I have, but there is no one else I look up to more. I wish everyone could have had a dad like mine, but not mine specifically. Because he’s my dad, I love him, and he’s not for sale.
I could never express how much I love him, and how much he means to me.