Being the main support person for someone with BPD is sometimes very difficult. With this person in my life, I never know what to expect. Will they be in a good mood, or a bad mood today? Will I be an angel today, or the devil? Will they take their anger out at me? How much of their disappointment will I have to try to spin to something a little less catastrophic?
I have never figured out a way to deal with this person in a way that’s not stressful for me, and also, not harmful or hurtful to them.
I plan to bury this post amongst the over 300 posts here, because every single thing I say to this person either lifts them way up, or makes them crash way down . Although we all know that we’re not responsible for someone else’s feelings – with this person, there really is no one but me, and they go back and forth between trying to drive me away and pulling me back closer. It’s been a life-long Tug-of-War where neither side can win until this person finally realizes that therapy and medication may help. Until then, I feel caught in the middle of a maelstrom – but, and let me make this clear – one that I am happy to be in because I love this person so much.
From what I’ve read, BPD is kind of like the opposite of Narcisstic Personality Disorder. Both see things in extreme black and white, and both have low self-esteems, but the person with BPD is capable of empathy and compassion, and doesn’t necessarily manipulate people like NPD’s do.
This person in my life thinks that going to therapy or taking medication means there is something wrong with them. It’s my opinion that it takes an especially intelligent person to realize that needing a little help sometimes, is only human.
P.S. If you have the patience to read all the way through, this is the single most helpful and informative article I’ve read on BPD. http://www.primals.org/articles/hannig03.html. Take care!