How Can You Be Lonely in a Relationship?

Don’t doubt yourself!  Some 51 year old’s are not as wise as a mature 15 year old! I will write a post about your question and put it on the front page for a week – I hope my thoughts are able to help you.  And please… don’t take them as fact – these posts are all just my opinions – and I could be wrong.  All best, ~ Rose

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This is, in fact, a really good question – how CAN you be lonely even when you have someone to love?

In fact, how can you feel heart-wrenchingly, out-of-your-mind grief-stricken and alone, even though you’re in a relationship?

How can you talk or complain to anyone about the loneliness you feel inside, when, on the surface, you have no reason to feel that way?

I guess that my thoughts about this are both simple and complex.  Simply, you know that at the heart of it, it’s you, and not the relationship.  Or not just the relationship in the case of those that are ending theirs.  Sometimes this is a wake-up call that the relationship will end soon.

However, and I really want to emphasize this – too many people blame the relationship first, when I think, everyone feels this way at some point, and that it might even be… normal.

Didn’t you feel lonely before?  And sad? And misunderstood? Does it feel like you’re seeing things clearly for the first time in a long time, and seeing how much things have stagnated or changed?

Being lonely in a relationship can mean a lot of things.  It can mean that you’re not communicating enough with your partner, that you’re not confiding enough in your friends, you’re not being honest to yourself… or… let’s face it, you are bored, restless and are ready to change.

We change all our lives, and sometimes people don’t grow in the same directions.  It’s to be hoped that relationships can be worked out anyway, through hard work, counseling, etc, but not all of them can.  Sometimes that feeling of loneliness, or even despair, can be a spur to help you kick yourself in the direction you really want to be.

Another problem is that people expect too much from their partners.  In my head I call it the ‘princess’ illness, and, once upon a time, I had it too (hahaha!).  But seriously, one man, or one woman (or boy, or girl) cannot and should not fulfill all of your needs.  In fact, they can’t!  You NEED friends, and your own outside interests.  You need to fill in those areas that your partner cannot (because no single person is absolutely perfect).  You need to remember who you are, and you need to be compassionate with yourself and with your loved ones.

Take ownership of your feelings if you’re blaming them on someone else.  Take ownership of them and let the tears fall.  You’re not alone.  I’ve been there.  Your folks have probably been there, and your grandparents too. Your friends might even be there and just don’t think they have the right to talk about it or complain either.

It’s not a fun place to be in.  It hurts, and, at least it felt to me that I was being somehow ungrateful.

It’s just a feeling though, and not fact.  Facts are unchangable, but emotions are.  Try going into the emotions and not running from them.

Have you been depending on someone else too much, and expecting others to make you happy?

Readers, I’d love to hear your thoughts – plus, don’t forget you can be anonymous.  You can call yourself Blackbeard’s Folly, and since I don’t know you, I’ll only applaud your inventiveness.

All best,

~ Rose