I’m not sure I had any Frienemies/Frenemies before I started working. Those people who pretend to be friends, but are really only one so they can get something from you. They often say nasty things behind your back, lie, and sabotage you whenever possible. Relatives can be frienemies too – in fact any relationship can have them if you’re befriending someone who is not trustworthy.
I’d like to think that most of the time we know the difference between frienemies and real friends, although we don’t always. I tend to think frienemies are less emotionally mature than real friends. Anyone who pretends friendship to use others has something wrong in their head. Likewise those who are nice to your face, but brutal behind your back.
What can you do about frienemies? The answer is easy really – don’t allow them to remain friends. True friends are those who can accept your flaws and not obsess over them, who are there for you in a give and take manner, don’t share your secrets, and bring good things and value to the relationship. Anyone who doesn’t bring these things to a relationship isn’t a real friend.
If you have a frienemy, you’ve got to understand something about yourself. You invited them into your life. That doesn’t mean that you deserve to have them treat you badly, but it is good to take responsibility for your own actions. Once you’ve done that however, give them the boot. They may whisper evil things to anyone in their radius, but you can’t let that bother you. Their words are from a place of great insecurity and self-hatred. Isn’t it better to feel pity for them instead?
Need advice on a frienemy? Send me an email!